How Rude! The Full House Podcast (comedy)

Lauren Walker is our honorary Rude Dude for the week and she is more than a little suspicious of the "park vandal" subplot that resides within "D.J.'s Choice". And for good reason, since it really, really reeks of white suburbanite disdain. But you know what cures white suburbanite disdain? Wiping. Wiping will cool the embers of this outrage. Quick, the rags! To the slide, everyone! WE MUST WIPE! Elsewhere, D.J. is being torn between two guys who cannot stop yanking on her Goddamn arm. Nelson: Maybe use some of your money to take a gender politics class. Viper: Maybe take a break from penning garbage love songs and learn to accept a woman's clear fucking answer. Men: Maybe get it together overall. We also learn about the Golden Gate bridge, watch an insane commercial, and learn which singers you should hire if you want to win our love. It's great! 

P.S. We totally forgot to discuss this episode's "cold stinger", in which Jesse punishes Joey for destroying a hammer by stapling him to a fucking fence. Enter a mangy dog who may or may not proceed to piss on Joey / eat his ass out. Who the fuck even knows with this show anymore? XOXO

Direct download: 146._D.J.s_Choice.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:04am EDT

Aasia LaShay Bullock and Jon are in agreement when it comes to Santa: He is not necessary. If you want to raise your children sans Claus, then you should do it and save yourself the trouble of spinning progressively more complicated lies. Brandon Shockney does not agree with this opinion. Brandon's grip on the joys of Santa is like that of a bear trap upon your very leg. It is unyielding. It is dangerous. And it is probably going to kill us with time. But enough about Brandon being crazy. It's Christmas time at the Tanner house once more! "Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen" sees the Nuggets turning a sickly yellow at the very mention of old Chris Kringle, while Jesse and Michelle are finding themselves the hostage of a wildly cranky Mickey Rooney. Will anyone make it to Christmas Day alive? Doubtful! In other news, Aasia is taking us on a tour of hands free wine tech while waxing on her love for teen witches. And that movie we discuss? It's called 'The Star' and Oprah is not playing one of the animals, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, Keegan-Michael Key is the dove, and Kelly Clarkson is playing a Goddamn HORSE. 

Did we mention how thankful we are for the 101 RATINGS in the iTunes Store? Because we're incredibly thankful and are so happy to have you as a listener. "Me?" YES, YOU. Thank you! XOXO

Direct download: 145._Arrest_Ye_Merry_Gentlemen.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:02am EDT

Kip "Kippy" Reiserer has so many genuinely great / mildly disturbing stories about living the frat life you'd need at least two Late Plates to get through them at all. He's just the Rude Dude you wanna have in the room when watching / discussing "Under the Influence", in which Kimmy acts like a total asshat at her first frat party and manages to dig up a ghost from DJ's past in the process. That's right, we're finally going to learn about how Pam died. Finally. In season EIGHT. We're also going to talk about food maids, group showers, and pass out a few frat-appropriate nicknames, so if you're ready to stink it up college-style, we got ya covered. Hashtag meat muffins. Hashtag sleeper dorm. Hashtag rock chalk. Be sure to follow Kip on Twitter (@kipreiserer / @ww2facts) as well as Instagram (worldwar2historypics)!

P.S. The viciously chronic eater Kip talks about in this episode absolutely had a nickname, as verified by Kip shortly after we completed our recording. That nickname: Mad Dawg. Sounds about right!

Direct download: 144._Under_the_Influence.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:04am EDT

Lisa Beasley has mastered the escalators and navigated the mall and its many splendors. She is between five and six Subway sandwiches high and was slash is a fan of Full House, so does that make her an honorary Rude Dude? Yes, of course it does, you dumb dummy. She's great! We were so happy to have her by our side as we watched and discussed "Stephanie's Wild Ride", in which Steph and Gia meet a pair of impossibly stupid high school boys and Michelle's hazily defined video game becomes an obsession for the adults in the Tanner home. We also take time to marvel at the casual viciousness of childhood slang and tell stories we would have never told our parents when we were still in our youth, so stay tuned! Never let your mind wander from this podcasting greatness for a second! XOXO

And remember, we're aiming for 100 reviews in the iTunes Store, so don't abandon us in our hour of need. Write. Those. Reviews! We're at 95!

Direct download: 143._Stephanies_Wild_Ride.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:01am EDT

Take a peek at our forthcoming podcast venture with this special pilot recording! We tackle the last week in movie trailer releases and rate them according to a scientific system: Stub It, which means we'd pay to watch it on the big screen; Stream It, which means we'd be willing to rent or check it out via Netflix or a similar service; or Skip It, which means we're likely never going to see it in our lifetime. What do we cover in this session? Check it out:

The Boss Baby / The Last Face / Black Butterfly / My Cousin Rachel / Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie / Baywatch / Wish Upon / Churchill / Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri / Queen of the Desert / Justice League

Stick around as we pick our Best of the Week and journey into The Vault to watch a trailer from the not so distant past.

Wanna hop on this podcast juggernaut as early as possible? Follow us on Twitter, @thetrailerspod, and you'll be the first to know when the show has officially gone live. You won't regret it! XOXO

Direct download: 142._Preview_-_At_the_Trailers.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:51am EDT

Tyler Samples (Rabbit Hole: A Wikipedia Podcast / The tl;dm Podcast) only had access to ABC as a child, so his television diet consisted entirely of nothing but TGIF programming. He's seen 'em all, my puppies, and that includes "Claire and Present Danger". What's it about? It's about Claire. Well, no, it's not really about Claire. It's about how Claire dating Danny affects Michelle's position in the childhood peking order, and she's not about to have that disrupted. "Oh-uh! I do not think so!" She's livid.

Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to make good at a "sold-out" Smash Club performance, but Viper's troubles with DJ may end his comeback before it can even begin. My God, the stakes. The delicious, sizzling steaks! We also make time to discuss a new bottom shelf board game and track the shirtless career of a young, promising actor by the name of Keanu Reeves. This is some good shit!

Don't forget, we're aiming for 100 reviews in the iTunes Store before we record our series finale, and at this point we're so close, you guys. So close we can taste it on our pink little tongues. Get us over that hump, me lovelies! XOXO

Direct download: 141._Claire_and_Present_Danger.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:03am EDT

The boys are back and they're bearin' the books once more for a boo-tiful bonus ep, my bonnie babes! Jon kicks things off with a report on "Truth or Dare", the first in a Club Stephanie trilogy in which the middle Tanner sister finds herself caught between romance and professional aspirations while at Camp Sailaway. Can she achieve her CIT dreams and capture the hearts of a lovely, luscious, oh so lickity-splickity Luke? Jon will never know because again, this is the first entry in a trilogy, and he's never going to read the other two. Oh well! Then Brandon caps the day off with a report on "Problems in Paradise", in which Michelle is haunted by THE CURSE OF THE GREEN LAGOON and Stephanie once again falls ass backwards into the lap of luxury while visiting sunny Hawaii. These books are dumb. Want us to read more? Let us know? 

And remember, we're shooting for 100 iTunes reviews by the time we get to our series finale, so if you haven't taken the time to visit the iTunes Store and leave your thoughts, we need you now more than ever. More than ever! XOXO

Direct download: 140._Truth_or_Dare_and_Problems_in_Paradise.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:23am EDT

Megan Brennan may not be the genetic equal of the Olsen twins, despite what her mother may say, but she knew the importance of rules from an early age and how optimism can help you avoid life's phantoms. The world can be a terrifying place, what with the terror of Sneaky Petes, the terror of chicken nugget babies, and the terror of improvising your steps at an Irish feis. That's why we needed Megan as we watched "On the Road Again", a traumatizing tale of fathers and father figures trying their best to bend a nearly grown ass fucking adult woman to their whims. In other news, Jon is learning about Jimmy Eat World and the full color spectrum of noise, and Megan may or may not know about a certain day walker named Blade. 

Also: We're shooting for 100 iTunes reviews by the time we record our big finale, so the work starts NOW. We're at 90. Get us. To. 100. Help us achieve our goal!

 

P.S. The name of the song is "Revolution Mind".

Direct download: 139._On_the_Road_Again.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:03am EDT

James Dugan knows exactly what he wants from his entertainment, whether it be from the TGIF lineup or the Power Rangers canon, so when he tells you this week's episode of Full House is nonsense, you better believe 'im, baby. "You Pet It, You Bought It" is honest to God one of the stupidest things we've watched since we started this enterprise in May of 2014. It's just straight up about Michelle buying a donkey and that's pretty much it. There are Civil War gags, there's an endlessly reoccurring bit about the Three's Company theme, but beyond that, there is literally nothing here. To make up for the lack of content, Brandon shows off his best Salem, Jon shows off his best Trump, and James talks about the hottest day he can remember. Also, Brandon doesn't know his Hitchcock from his own cock. Stop reading and start listening! XOXO

Direct download: 138._You_Pet_It_You_Bought_It.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:06am EDT

Geoff Dow spends an inordinate amount of time watching YouTube videos that actively call the viewer's sanity into question. He's a Wood Pusher, a Gladiator lover, and his artistic skills cannot be matched, at least when it comes to sketching one of our beloved Rude Dudes. Can you say the same for yourself, kind sir or madame? I thought not! Geoff joined us to watch and discuss "To Joey, With Love", the first example of a FH episode where the title has honest to God fuck all nothing to do with its plot. Seriously, why is this called "To Joey, With Love"? Please tell us. Please send an explanation to thehowrudepodcast@gmail.com. So what is this about? Well, it's about Joey's disastrous turn as a substitute teacher for Michelle's class, which we're pretty sure is Failed Career #11 for poor Joe-Joe. It's also about Jesse, who hates his brother-in-law, and Danny, who hates the very idea that anything could happen under his roof that doesn't directly beat his ego off. Everyone is a disaster and nothing matters, this show sucks eggs. But Geoff is great! XOXO

Direct download: 137._To_Joey_With_Love.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:06am EDT