Mon, 26 September 2016
Brad Pike thinks you have a beautiful singing voice and that you're a ten! He also thinks your daddy-daughter dance was absolutely disgusting. What is wrong with you? And what the fuck is wrong with poor Michelle in "The Heartbreak Kid"? She's fallen in love with her sister's man and no one is setting her straight. Wake up, you dumb baby, HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Meanwhile, Jesse is wrangling with his new Xbox 360, Danny and Joe are at each other's throats over a phantom woman from their past, and sexy Garfield is making everyone cum. Yum-yum! XOXO |
Mon, 19 September 2016
James D'Amato of the One Shot podcast is here to assure us that lying is fine. In fact, lying could get you exactly what you want, even if people discover you have been lying. It's great! That's what we're supposed to take away from this week's Full House adventure, right? In "Be True to Your Preschool" our resident toe-headed chicken nugget barf blobs are trying to get into Snob Academy and the only thing standing in their way is their own father. Meanwhile, Kimmy is tooling around in The Wild Thing, a car that belongs to an unseen character we could not be more obsessed with if we tried. Who are you, Garth Gibbler? What is your story? In other news, Brandon is over math lessons being injected into FH, James is looking back on his 16th Hibachi Birthday, and Marco the Gangster is terrorizing the San Fran populace from his cell. Can anyone stop him? SHOULD anyone stop him? XOXO P.S. A shoutout to Subi Shah for this week's highly disturbing album art! |
Mon, 12 September 2016
Subi Shah and Cher Vincent are no strangers to the world of deconstructing television: As the hosts of 'Gossip Girls' they know what it means to tackle a show one episode at a time, but they were smart. They picked a show they actually, actively enjoy, whereas we've trapped ourselves in a padded cell with a dopey sitcom we basically can't stand. Thankfully, Subi and Cher agreed to help us bear this wretched cross by watching "Birthday Blues", the episode in which Kimmy finally calls everyone on their shit. Why do they hate her so fucking much? Because her feet stink? As Subi asserts, all feet stink! Butts too. So get the fuck over it, Tanners! Meanwhile, Subi's predictions for the future are scaring the crap out of us, Cher is going into a fugue state while at the bank, and Jon's 21st birthday party was a lame duck disaster. We cannot recommend Subi and Cher's podcast enough, so if you're looking for more TV talk in your life, you're gonna love 'Gossip Girls'. Subscribe today! XOXO |
Tue, 6 September 2016
Ian Williams may have had his career as a professional ironing board surfer cut tragically short, but that didn't stop him from being our 101st honorary Rude Dude. We'll hear all about Ian's creepy daycare pal, his first date at the age of sixteen, and get a world premiere catch phrase by the time this comes to a close. Unfortunately, we'll also have to putter through "The Dating Game", which is ... not great! Everyone is trying to capture the elusive magic of the "perfect" first date: Stephanie is trying to court Josh, who may or may not be gay dumdum; Danny is trying to reignite a spark with Vicky with a disgusting meat boot; Joey is desperately trying to fuck his boss, and Steve? Steve's just trying to eat, dude. Whaddya got? Fruit? Cool, dude. Donuts? Cool, dude? Tin can found amongst the briny shoreline rocks? Cool, dude. XOXO |