TJ King could not be more relaxed. With his authentic Japanese fan he is able to cool himself with minimal effort, and he has the sort of confidence one needs when you're a turtle who learns how to fly. He's got that X-factor, baby, and you can't teach that shit! Join TJ and your lovable co-hosts as we dive into "The Play's the Thing", in which an amazing young man named Derek destroys Michelle's world with the kind of talent she'll never possess. EVER. In other news, Danny is fucking with Becky's routine and Steve is being a whiny little prick. We debate the merits of Popeye's versus KFC, envision a better, more honest play for kids called America: The Real Shit, and come to realize that TJ is our second guest to confuse Dave Coulier with Jeff Daniels. LOOK! HERE COMES THAT YANKEE DOODLE BOY. XOXO

Matt Kidd faced the scorching summer heat to tell us all about his foul-mouthed grandmother, gossip-loving mother, and appreciation for twins with bountiful bottoms. Speaking of twins: Twins! There are way too many twins in "Trouble in Twin Town". There are also way too many fucking plots! Becky's snooty cousins are in town for the local twin expo and Jesse is determined to slap the silver spoons that are currently in their mouths so he can make them eat crow. Eat crow, you slob-hating snobs! Stephanie is pulling a "get smooched quick" scheme on a pair of mouth-breathing dum-dums. Be yourself, you thirsty queen! Danny is worried about Vicky's latest foray into the locker room of the Chicago Bears. She's getting fucked, dude, make your peace with it! Finally, Michelle is watching her distant relatives pretend to play Sega Game Gears. If you're so rich, buy a fucking cartridge, you Stephen King wannabes! Also: Jon tells an unsettling story about a friendly man's house and Brandon has an idea for a new video game. XOXO

Alex Marianyi is a man who stands on his own two feet. Alex Marianyi is trying to take your dinnertime prayers seriously. Alex Marianyi loves your fried hair and doesn't want you to change. He is also our honorary Rude Dude for the week, which means he had to sit through and help us dissect "Educating Jesse". That's right, Jesse is going back to school after revealing a secret that completely undermines everything we've heard about him in the past. It's a laughably stupid retcon ... but what are ya gonna do? At least it allows us to cut away from the Michelle plot, which is all about tying Goddamn shoes. Oh, be still, my heart! Also: Everyone gets confused by Joey's Star Trek impression and no one seems to know if a "chocolate Twinkie" is known as a Ho Ho or a Ding Dong (spoiler: It's a Ho Ho). We hope you enjoy this week's offering, but just know that no one will find Jon funnier than Jon himself. XOXO

Phoebe Stonebraker is a modern farmer with a passion for rollerblading and slut wave music. She's also our honorary Rude Dude for the week as we return from our holiday break. What's happening with the Tanner clan this time around? Well, for starters, DJ and Steve are in mother fucking LOVE, baby, and there's nothing the patriarchy can do to stop them from kissing like two hesitant mannequins. Vicky's flown in from Chicago and Danny will have to put up or shut up in the feelings department. Coming in dead last is the Joey and Jesse plot, in which the former must carry the dead weight of the latter as they tape the first session of their new radio show. Is it bad? Yes. Is it as bad as some of the episodes we've reviewed as of late? No, but that's not saying much. Are you happy to have us back in your lives? Of course! Let us know that by penning a five star review in the iTunes Store. PROVE YOUR LOVE TO US. XOXO

Jacob Eugene Horn joined us just as the summer heat ramped up and reduced us to little more than slaphappy goons. It's that time of year, folks, so strap in! We learn all about Jacob's siblings and their ghost story terror tactics. We also get a breakdown of his entire history with bands, most of which sported truly dreadful names. But ya know what we also talk about? A stupid. Little show. Called. 'Full House'. This week it's "Radio Days", in which Jesse's dashed dreams of superstardom in Asia are replaced by a desperate need to work at some two bit FM station, Stephanie pens salacious stories about her sibling's love life, and Edie McClurg stops by to effectively ruin poor Joey's life. Additional topics: Single White Dagwood, Jesse in the Magic Boarding School of Mysterious Sex Times, and the slap heard 'round the world.

P.S. We're taking the week of July 4 off! Love you! XOXO

Jyreika Guest may have had a "come to Jesus" moment while watching this week's episode, "Road to Tokyo". The scales may have fallen from her eyes and what was once must-see TV now may seem just a tad ridiculous. Maybe. Spoiler: Definitely. Join us and the Tanner family as we take a journey to the other side of the world and bear witness to Jesse's fall from grace. The B-Plot Department is working overtime as Stephanie breathlessly awaits a call from a dummy, Michelle digs her way to Tokyo, Joey actively tries to bug the shit out of Danny, and DJ attempts to thwart the political aspirations of her one and only friend. WAY TOO MUCH IS GOING ON. We'll also learn about Jyreika's first grade school crush and how he's doing in 2016. It's all great! And you're great too! XOXO

I heard Clayton Margeson of the Talking Games podcast joined us this week. Is this a false assertion? Nah dude. Join us as we kick around "The Long Goodbye", in which everyone is dealing with some sort of separation anxiety. Danny and Vicky are worlds apart and their genitals are suffering for it. The distance between Jesse and his children grows as he continues to make them "men". Finally, Michelle and Teddy's friendship is being threatened ... and one of them will do whatever it takes to keep it intact. Whatever. It fucking. TAKES. Also: Brandon is demanding more from our modern bubble technology when he's not calling Jon's masculinity into question. It's yet another rock solid bit a podcasting goodness, so head on over to the iTunes Store and leave us a five star review! XOXO

Alex Nichols is the first new guest after five weeks of marathons and one week of nauseating porn coverage, and we couldn't have been happier to have him in the studio. Join us as we cast a wary eye on "Come Fly with Me", the season six premiere that reveals how quickly Nicky and Alex grew over the course of one summer. Even more inexplicable is Stephanie's "introduction" of Steve to the Tanner family. God fucking dammit, Full House, Steve is not a new character! Sure, you have one throwaway line about how DJ dated him in S5, but you can't do that AND have the entire family act like they've never seen him before. It's insane! Also: Joey is being a creep, Jesse is struggling with "Forever" and its lack of Billboard success, and Stephanie falls for a choir nerd. Alex has experience as a film extra and his Dad interviewed the FH cast back in the '90s, so don't think this episode isn't packed ... because it's packed to the gills! For the record, the TGIF show about a football player is called 'Brother's Keeper'. Go Sox, boo Royals! XOXO

Casey Sapphire (aka Eddie Klinker) joins us for a third time to help cover the utterly disgusting and not at all funny 'Full Holes'. The women seem troubled, the men are possible sex criminals, and we are largely clueless as to the so-called parody's intended audience. In other news, Brandon and Eddie are making a lot of progress with their Looney Tunes XXX project and Jon discovers the porn role he was meant to play, whether he likes it or not. Uh! Uhhh! UH! UHHH! XOXO

Libby Schreiner is back and with her return we can finally put S5 in the ground. Pick up a shovel, get yourself a good scoop a dirt, and say goodbye. Thank you, Libby, thank you for setting us free. And thank you, Marvin, for being a fuzzy little dog pal who kept us sane during our screening of the following six episodes: Yours, Mine and Ours; The Trouble with Danny; Five's a Crowd; Girls Will Be Boys, and both parts of Captain Video. Highlights? Oh, we got highlights for ya. How about a deconstruction of Brandon's intimate seduction techniques? Or perhaps a window into Brandon's taste as he talks about his love for Big Dog parody shirts? If you're only here for sitcom shop talk, we would recommend a conversation toddlers have about superheroes ... a conversation we are STILL HUMORING in 2016. Can girls be superheroes? Can girls do anything without having garbage dumped on them? Maybe. Maybe! XOXO