How Rude! The Full House Podcast

Caitlyn Schwimmer is our honorary Rude Dude for the week as we tackle "Subterranean Graduation Blues" from top to bottom. What else do we do? We learn about bar and bat mitzvahs. We tuck in with an icy bowl of Coldies and Cream. We examine Caitlyn’s tomboy / girly girl aesthetic. We diagnose Spacey Lady. We discover a trilogy of Candace Cameron films that simply must be covered in the near future. We create an appropriately disgusting ad campaign for El Bloato. We learn about a cat named Jafar. And we swap terrifying train tales. What more could you want? What more would you have of us in these trying times?! We love you. XOXO

Direct download: 119._Subterranean_Graduation_Blues.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:09am EST

Jack Felker is our honorary Rude Dude for the week and she knows a few things to be true: Dinosaurs are real. You should never come at her thinking you know more when it comes to Boy Meets World trivia. And the little boy from Brooklyn is probably her son. This week we’re trying our best to move through “Please Don’t Touch the Dinosaur”, in which Stephanie cleans Joey’s disgusting car and Michelle destroys a hastily thrown together, four million dollar exhibit. We also conceive of a brilliant series for Netflix (well, we have the brilliant title, at least) and marvel at the intricacies of Crossroads, so don’t miss out! And please, if you please, please do not touch the dinosaur! XOXO

Direct download: 118._Please_Dont_Touch_the_Dinosaur.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:17am EST

Collin Dahlgren (otherwise known as Brad Pike's nemesis) joined us for what is unfortunately one of the most depressing episodes of 'Full House' in existence. And not simply because it involves child abuse! "Silence Is Not Golden" also makes room for a disgusting gentleman known as the Funny Buddy when it's not being distracted by atrocious book report antics. It's proof that maybe not all shows were cut out to tackle the inherent challenges of a Very Special Episode, is all we're saying. What else do we got? Well, Joey is the last living citizen of Dresden, Comet is a Time Lord, and Collin was a latchkey kid who turned about a dozen of his peers gay through the magic of backyard wrestling. It's great stuff, so get those ears ready, true believers! XOXO

P.S. Be sure to check out Collin and Margaret Lebron's new podcast, You Gotta See This, which premieres this week!

Direct download: 117._Silence_Is_Not_Golden_2.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:10am EST

Brad Pike thinks you have a beautiful singing voice and that you're a ten! He also thinks your daddy-daughter dance was absolutely disgusting. What is wrong with you? And what the fuck is wrong with poor Michelle in "The Heartbreak Kid"? She's fallen in love with her sister's man and no one is setting her straight. Wake up, you dumb baby, HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. Meanwhile, Jesse is wrangling with his new Xbox 360, Danny and Joe are at each other's throats over a phantom woman from their past, and sexy Garfield is making everyone cum. Yum-yum! XOXO

Direct download: 116._The_Heartbreak_Kid.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:06am EST

James D'Amato of the One Shot podcast is here to assure us that lying is fine. In fact, lying could get you exactly what you want, even if people discover you have been lying. It's great! That's what we're supposed to take away from this week's Full House adventure, right? In "Be True to Your Preschool" our resident toe-headed chicken nugget barf blobs are trying to get into Snob Academy and the only thing standing in their way is their own father. Meanwhile, Kimmy is tooling around in The Wild Thing, a car that belongs to an unseen character we could not be more obsessed with if we tried. Who are you, Garth Gibbler? What is your story? In other news, Brandon is over math lessons being injected into FH, James is looking back on his 16th Hibachi Birthday, and Marco the Gangster is terrorizing the San Fran populace from his cell. Can anyone stop him? SHOULD anyone stop him? XOXO

P.S. A shoutout to Subi Shah for this week's highly disturbing album art!

Direct download: 115._Be_True_to_Your_Preschool.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:27am EST

Subi Shah and Cher Vincent are no strangers to the world of deconstructing television: As the hosts of 'Gossip Girls' they know what it means to tackle a show one episode at a time, but they were smart. They picked a show they actually, actively enjoy, whereas we've trapped ourselves in a padded cell with a dopey sitcom we basically can't stand. Thankfully, Subi and Cher agreed to help us bear this wretched cross by watching "Birthday Blues", the episode in which Kimmy finally calls everyone on their shit. Why do they hate her so fucking much? Because her feet stink? As Subi asserts, all feet stink! Butts too. So get the fuck over it, Tanners! Meanwhile, Subi's predictions for the future are scaring the crap out of us, Cher is going into a fugue state while at the bank, and Jon's 21st birthday party was a lame duck disaster. We cannot recommend Subi and Cher's podcast enough, so if you're looking for more TV talk in your life, you're gonna love 'Gossip Girls'. Subscribe today! XOXO

Direct download: 114._Birthday_Blues.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:05am EST

Ian Williams may have had his career as a professional ironing board surfer cut tragically short, but that didn't stop him from being our 101st honorary Rude Dude. We'll hear all about Ian's creepy daycare pal, his first date at the age of sixteen, and get a world premiere catch phrase by the time this comes to a close. Unfortunately, we'll also have to putter through "The Dating Game", which is ... not great! Everyone is trying to capture the elusive magic of the "perfect" first date: Stephanie is trying to court Josh, who may or may not be gay dumdum; Danny is trying to reignite a spark with Vicky with a disgusting meat boot; Joey is desperately trying to fuck his boss, and Steve? Steve's just trying to eat, dude. Whaddya got? Fruit? Cool, dude. Donuts? Cool, dude? Tin can found amongst the briny shoreline rocks? Cool, dude. XOXO

Direct download: 113._The_Dating_Game.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:05am EST

Mary Catherine Curran rolled over to the studio on her fly as hell Pepsi bike because she's our 100th unique guest and that's how she fucking operates. M-Cat joined us for "A Very Tanner Christmas", in which the two youngest daughters learn an important (offscreen) lesson; Steve alters his life plan for DJ, and Becky complains about the gilded cage she has built for herself. Other items on the agenda: Michael Jordan, too much tickling, and sexy dangerous spank bank cinema. Remember, everyone, it's the people that make Christmas special, not the presents, and if someone wishes you a happy holiday season, push their non-secular ass into traffic. P.S. Thank you to Mary Catherine and the 99 incredible Rude Dudes who came before her, you are truly the reason why we have been doing the show this long. Merry Christmas! XOXO

Direct download: 112._A_Very_Tanner_Christmas.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:24pm EST

Lilliana Winkworth showed up for the podcast wearing a fabulous loofah costume and she is not apologizing for it because it is 2016, baby! Join us as we review "Designing Mothers", in which Danny must once again tackle his fear of change and the Rush Hour Renegades fear for the soul of rock and roll. Will a new woman in Danny's life ruin his chances for happiness? Will a new woman in the lives of the Renegades ruin their chances for happiness? Do women just ruin shit all of the time, is that what we're supposed to fucking get from this? In other news: Snow globes, Sondheim, and a sexy new woman in Brandon's life might be ruining his chances for happiness. It's a brand spanking new episode of How Rude!, baby, so let's get down to it! XOXO

Direct download: 111._Designing_Mothers.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:05am EST

Greg Yates braved the insanity that is Chicago's Market Days celebration so he could record our 110th episode and for that we thank him. We thank you, dear Greg, for sitting with us and watching "I'm Not D.J.", in which Topanga and Brace Face (AKA "the Jennifers") pressure poor Stephanie into getting her ears pierced. Is she ready? Should she have placed her trust in Kimmy, a girl who is only trying to help but is consistently demonized by everyone around her? Perhaps only Stephanie can answer these questions. She is an individual, after all! Oh, but back to the gratitude: Thank you, Greg, for enduring the scene at Uncle Jasper's Kiddie Kuts, otherwise known as the Well of Infinite Nightmares. And thank you, Greg, for telling us about your retainer mendacity and the worst haircut he ever received. We love you, Greg! XOXO

Direct download: 110._Im_Not_D.J..m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:24am EST