How Rude! The Full House Podcast

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December 2016
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Syndication

Brandon and Jon are back and their bellies are fit to burst with boffo bonus babies, baby. That's right, they're giving birth to little bonus babies. Isn't it beautiful and also a word that starts with "b" that is synonymous with disgusting? This time around your intrepid Dudes are forsaking screens and diving into the world of fine literature with "My Best Friend Is a Movie Star" and "The Story On Older Boys". In the former, poor Michelle must contend with the fact that some people are more treasured than her if she's ever going to make a rich as fuck friend. In the latter, a 14-year-old Stephanie manages to convince everyone at DJ's college she's a freshman because everyone at DJ's college is a fucking moron. Also: Brandon takes a Best Friends Test that may or may not determine the future of his friendship with Jon. Who knows? It may ... and it also may not! XOXO

Direct download: 126._BONUS__Full_House_Books.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:27am EST

Flip on your snit and bop on your soggy bounce because it's time for another delicious / nutritious bonus episode! This week our tummies our full of pizza once more as we discuss the 1986 Bill Allen / Lori Loughlin vehicle 'Rad'. It's the timeless story of a white guy who wants to do something and everyone else is like "No way!" and the white guy has to take a stand be all "YES way." Have you seen any number of underdog sporting flicks from the '80s? Then you 100% know what you're getting into with this nonsense: Gouda good music, villainous yuppies backed by snarling, corporate bastards, and enough Canadian background extras to fill three Tim Hortons. Maybe you didn't expect the Canadians. How am I to know? P.S. Jon accidentally refers to the miniseries 'V' as 'Z', so if you wanna call him out on that ... don't. Be nice. Being mean is not rad! P.P.S. Brandon still has that third floating wish from when we covered 'The House Meets the Mouse' and God help us all when he chooses to have it granted. XOXO

Direct download: 125._BONUS__Rad.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:05am EST

Numbs 1: Meghan Murphy is a fantastic, extraordinarily funny person and we were so happy to have her serve as our latest honorary Rude Dude. Numbs 2: She's an enormous Disney nerd and an expert when it comes to their theme parks, which makes her the perfect person to discuss "The House Meets the Mouse". Is it little more than a 40-minute commercial for people who were on the fence about visiting Walt Disney World? Of course not, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Numbs 3: Brandon got a black eye while riding a damn roller coaster and only his Mother can provide answers as to why this happened to him. For why, mother? For why? P.S. Did you notice Brandon never cashed in his third wish? Brandon just has a floating fucking wish that he can use whenever he wants now! He's more dangerous than Michelle Tanner, I do say, I do say. XOXO

Direct download: 124._The_House_Meets_the_Mouse_Parts_1_and_2.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:18am EST

Rob Grabowski of the Remake podcast and Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts in Chicago joined us just in time to mourn the death of democracy ... in more ways than one. True, Trump is our next President, and that's beyond horrifying, but what the fuck is going on at Steve's senior prom? Who's counting THOSE votes and why are we assuming they have our best interests at heart? All I'm saying is that if Kimmy and Gorilla had been taken seriously as candidates they would have been wearing those crowns at the end of the Goddamn day. But no, heaven forbid Rachel and her Stevie not get to stand on that stage, they "earned" it! LOCK. HER. UP! So anyway, "Prom Night" is on the menu this week and it's real fucking dumb and I cannot believe Trump is going to be our next President. But hey, we're still alive, we're having fun, and Jon's gonna throw a pizza prom next year, so maybe it will all be okay. Maybe. XOXO

Direct download: 123._Prom_Night.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:36am EST

Nathan Kaplin could have gone to his very grave without having seen a second of the nonsense that is 'Full House'. But what happened to him? We happened to him, we did, we did. We took Nathan, we sat him down, and we made him watch "Room for One More". Fine, we didn't *make* him watch it. We asked him very nicely and he agreed to do it. But even so. Even so! We ruined this young man and for that we should be punished. Punish us. "Room for One More?" is all about Jesse and Becky wanting to have another kid. Their ultimate decision blows our minds and from this point forward we honestly have no idea what is coming next. Like, seriously, what the fuck is going on? Also, a pig named Scruffy is on the scene to warm our hearts and make our blood run cold, and he's the best part of the entire episode. We love you, Scruffy, please eat us out. XOXO

Direct download: 122._Room_for_One_More_.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:20am EST

May Tilden took a short hiatus from writing wedding jingles to help us deconstruct "Grand Gift Auto", in which Uncle Joey desperately tries to assert himself as a person worthy of the family's respect. Can he do it with flashy material goods? Can he do it by appealing to the Tanners' basic human decency? No. And no! You will never be truly loved, Joey, you simple, dithering fool. YOU WILL NEVER BE TRULY LOVED. In the midst of this discussion we also make time to plan a Broadway in Chicago revival of 'Grease!' and solve a maddening food mystery, so if you think that might tickle your fancy bone, then get to listening! Did you write a five star review in the iTunes Store, you Goddamn bum? Can we appeal to your basic human decency? PROVE YOUR LOVE. XOXO

Direct download: 121._Grand_Gift_Auto.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:07am EST

Bonus episode? Bonus episode! To celebrate the Halloween season, Jon and Brandon filled their tummies with pizza and are on the floor to tell you all about "Strip or Treat", the 4th season premiere of Freeform's 'Baby Daddy' sitcom. Our experience with 'Baby Daddy' taught us a few things: Straight male friendships are awesome and uncomplicated, young women are shrews, old Moms don't deserve pleasure, and Latin men are mucho-mucho sex gods. It's a moldy, lame show, is what we're trying to say. We also make time to pitch Brandon's new idea for a series and ask an all too important question: Is Tahj Mowry gay ... or should we just simmer down? Happy spooky-ooky Halloween!

P.S. Since the recording, Jon has lowered his rating of "Strip or Treat" to 2.5 Baby Daddies.

Direct download: 120._Baby_Daddy.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:09am EST

Caitlyn Schwimmer is our honorary Rude Dude for the week as we tackle "Subterranean Graduation Blues" from top to bottom. What else do we do? We learn about bar and bat mitzvahs. We tuck in with an icy bowl of Coldies and Cream. We examine Caitlyn’s tomboy / girly girl aesthetic. We diagnose Spacey Lady. We discover a trilogy of Candace Cameron films that simply must be covered in the near future. We create an appropriately disgusting ad campaign for El Bloato. We learn about a cat named Jafar. And we swap terrifying train tales. What more could you want? What more would you have of us in these trying times?! We love you. XOXO

Direct download: 119._Subterranean_Graduation_Blues.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:09am EST

Jack Felker is our honorary Rude Dude for the week and she knows a few things to be true: Dinosaurs are real. You should never come at her thinking you know more when it comes to Boy Meets World trivia. And the little boy from Brooklyn is probably her son. This week we’re trying our best to move through “Please Don’t Touch the Dinosaur”, in which Stephanie cleans Joey’s disgusting car and Michelle destroys a hastily thrown together, four million dollar exhibit. We also conceive of a brilliant series for Netflix (well, we have the brilliant title, at least) and marvel at the intricacies of Crossroads, so don’t miss out! And please, if you please, please do not touch the dinosaur! XOXO

Direct download: 118._Please_Dont_Touch_the_Dinosaur.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:17am EST

Collin Dahlgren (otherwise known as Brad Pike's nemesis) joined us for what is unfortunately one of the most depressing episodes of 'Full House' in existence. And not simply because it involves child abuse! "Silence Is Not Golden" also makes room for a disgusting gentleman known as the Funny Buddy when it's not being distracted by atrocious book report antics. It's proof that maybe not all shows were cut out to tackle the inherent challenges of a Very Special Episode, is all we're saying. What else do we got? Well, Joey is the last living citizen of Dresden, Comet is a Time Lord, and Collin was a latchkey kid who turned about a dozen of his peers gay through the magic of backyard wrestling. It's great stuff, so get those ears ready, true believers! XOXO

P.S. Be sure to check out Collin and Margaret Lebron's new podcast, You Gotta See This, which premieres this week!

Direct download: 117._Silence_Is_Not_Golden_2.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:10am EST